I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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