There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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