Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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