I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
