i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
