What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
