I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
