Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize