Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
