My friends, they love my intelligence
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize