Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
