Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
