I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
