fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
