ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
