Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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