I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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