So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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