i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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