I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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