That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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