i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
