My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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