She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
