piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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