Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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