Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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