dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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