do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
