no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
