i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
