She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
