There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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