he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
