theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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