No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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