Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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