I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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