my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
