I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
