Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
