our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
