apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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