She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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