Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
