I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
