youre lurking in front of me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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