Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
