I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
