you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
