Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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