also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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