Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
