A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
