just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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