You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
