So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
