dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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