I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
