Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
