Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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