I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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