Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
