dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
