They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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