i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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