he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
