sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
