The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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